Remebering Back

I don't put a lot of clout in how long I've been sober; I'm only one drink away from being a drunk again.

That being said, when I come up on my anniversary I always reflect on how different my life is now that I've stopped drinking. It's never been hard for me to remember exactly what my last week was like before I went in for treatment. Looking back, I can't believe that I didn't have to make a trip to the hospital. I drank like...well, like there was no tomorrow.

It is safe to say that I've never been as scared as I was four years ago right now. The best way that I can explain it is thinking about death without hope in Christ: "What will it be like?"

I couldn't fathom a life without alcohol. I couldn't imagine what it would be like.

Now I look back and I am amazed at God's grace and redemption. Why He invested so much time and love on a self-centered drunk is way beyond me, but it taught me something about God's character that is essential to my sobriety: God loves me just like I am right now. He's not up there thinking, "If Johnny didn't do this I would be able to fully love him."

I don't think that most of us can comprehend being unconditionally loved. Parents claim to understand because they unconditionally love their children, but if you talk to 98%(I made that number up!) of the children of those same parents they will tell you that their parents did not love them unconditionally.

So, where is our frame of reference? Nobody loves everyone unconditionally. How do we grasp that God loves us so much? I don't know. I think that I'm starting to glimpse it, but I can't explain it very well. I'll stick with what Paul says, "...while we were yet sinners he sent his son, Jesus, to die for us. I guess that pretty much defines unconditional love, doesn't it?


Be safe, stay sober, and know that you are forgiven,

Johnny