4 years and it still affects me

Last night I was working at my 2nd job. It is a place that outfits police cars with lights, sirens, etc... So, as you can imagine, it's a shop, but not with the typical "shop atmosphere".

The owner of the company is a Christian and most of the guys there, though not believers, are pretty good guys. They don't spend much time talking about the girls they've had. We laugh, poke fun at each other, and just have an all around good time while we work.

We had been working on a new Crown Vic and a new Tahoe that the guys were taking to an Outfitters convention in Chicago this weekend. We knew that last night was going to be a long night. We had to get everything done before we left for the night.

At about 7:30 one of the guys said that he needed some beer. So, he left for about 15 minutes and came back with some. When he got back a couple of the guys started drinking the beer.

There were open beer cans on the main work table that we were working on. That really didn't bother me at all, but their breath was sending chills down my spine. It's amazing to me that smell, more than any other sense, can such an amazing affect on my body.

I have stayed sober for four years by having some serious, non-negotiable boundaries. In other words, I would have left if I had felt really uncomfortable.

It made me think about my boundaries. People are always asking me how I've stayed sober. I believe that God is responsible for my sobriety. However, I believe the way that He did it was by giving me boundaries and giving me the ability to buy into them.

I don't have to make hard choices about my sobriety because I don't let myself get into situations where I have to make those hard choices. I have the same boundaries with my marriage. I don't have close relationships with any other women than my wife. That way I don't have to make a hard choice about an affair.

I don't go to bars, I don't go to Super Bowl Parties, I don't talk about my drinking days like they were "Glory Days".

Those are concrete things that I can avoid, but what about my triggers? I don't tolerate guilt in my life. When I do something wrong I make amends right away. If it's more of a character issue, I ask forgiveness and then I ACCEPT the forgiveness. If my mind tries to bring up the issue again I remind myself that God's Word tells me that He forgives me and I move on.

I also have given my list of triggers to the people in my life that I trust. They what know what to look for and they know what do to if they see me depressed, angry for too long, or if I start to seclude myself.

I think what it all boils down to is trying my best to never have to be holding a whiskey and coke in my hands and waiting for that time to make a decision.

My trust is not in my boundaries. My trust is in God, but I keep the boundaries. I guess that I kind of feel like Moses and my boundaries are my 10 commandments!

I would be glad to talk to anyone about boundaries. Buzz me if anyone wants to know more.

Be safe and stay sober,

Johnny

The Ball is Rolling

We had our first meeting about starting the recovery ministry at church. I didn't really know what to expect. I knew some of the people there, but none of them well. There were about 12 people that showed up.

I think that the makeup of the meeting showed what our intentions are. There were only three alcoholics there. The rest were made up of people that had pain in there life, from a source other than alcohol or drugs. That is part of what we are trying to accomplish. Anybody that tries to cope with life's problems with something that is unhealthy or not in moderation is in need of some kind of recovery help.

I think that what I was excited about the most was the level of intelligence and passion in the room. There was a former Judge, two counselors, and several business people. All were very passionate about why they thought our church needed to bring recovery into the mainstream church.

It was our fist meeting. The second should come sometime in the middle of May '07.

I will post more about our progress.

Remember: Life is about progress, not perfection.

Take care of yourselves,

Johnny