New Site is up and running!!!

Well, this is the last post on the blogspot site. My new site is here: Johnny's Take

I hope that you'll come visit the new site. I did the site myself, so it's a lot more work, but it's a lot more fun too.

Come check it out!

Stay strong and help someone else out today.

Johnny

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Consequences: It's never my fault!

Definition
Consequences: something produced by a cause or necessarily following from a set of conditions

Some days I wish that I could pass blame for my life to someone, or something else. Trust me, I spent a good part of my life resting, in perfect peace, that my life was someone else's fault. My marriage was a mess because of the example that I had. I drank so much because I had to deal with all that guilt and shame that I had learned growing up. I gained so much weight because something was wrong with my body. All of those things were true, but not an excuse.

We are prepared for our adult life by a set of people that, most likely, had the same type of childhood that we did. If I'm not at fault for the adult life because of my parents, then how can my parents be held responsible? Did they not have parents too? My Grandparents are wonderful people, but they sucked as parents to my Mom. Great! That means that I can blame my Grandparents for my horrible choices! What? Oh. You're right, they had parents too. Then who in the hell am I supposed to blame?

How 'bout I blame the person responsible. What say I blame the person that ate anything and everything that he could get his hands on. I think that some blame goes to the person that was controlling and verbally abusive to his wife. Let's not forget to blame the guy that was guzzling whiskey from the bottle at six in the morning and would not stop until he blacked out or ran out of drink.

I did all those things. Me. I can't pass the buck any longer. I have to take personal responsibility for my life. Right now, it appears that I'm going to fall 'victim' to the economic woes of this world; I'm going to lose my house. Victim? I bought a house with no money down on an interest only loan for 5 years. Sound like a 'victim' to you? Me neither. It is me paying the consequences for making a poor decision.

Part of sobriety is placing the blame where it belongs. I can no longer afford to side-step my role in my own life. I make my own choices, I make my own decisions, and I pay for them; good or bad.

It feels good to take ownership. It feels good to feel horrible about the poor choices and to work through it. We hurt people along the way. When I own my actions, I can make amends and move on.

I am not a bad person, but I have made bad choices. All I can do it try to do the next 'right' thing.

Stay strong and help someone else out today.

Johnny

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The Twelve Rewards

I love the Twelve Rewards of Sobriety! It is a list of things that you can expect to see in your life if you follow some simple principles.

1. Faith instead of despair.
2. Courage instead of fear.
3. Hope instead of desperation.
4. Peace of mind instead of confusion.
5. Real friendships instead of loneliness.
6. Self-respect instead of self-contempt.
7. Self-confidence instead of helplessness.
8. A clean conscious instead of a sense of guilt.
9. The respect of others instead of their pity and contempt.
10. A clean pattern of living instead of a hopeless existence.
11. The love and understanding of our families instead of their doubts and fears.
12. The freedom of a happy life instead of the bondage of an alcoholic obsession.

Numbers 9 and 11 are among my favorites.

I was able to travel to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving this year to see my family. I had such a wonderful time. I honestly think that it was the best holiday that I can remember.

I received a call from my brother this week. Now, my older brother is my earthly hero. If someone were to compare me to him as a man, father, or a husband, I would be so honored. He called to tell me that the last couple of times that he has seen me he has noticed change in my life. He said that I seem at peace.

I have been sober for 5 and half years. I work daily on letting God run my life, cause I'm not very good at running my own. It was really wonderful to hear, from someone that I really respect, that my life is changing still. I'm not stagnant. That the rewards of living a life of sobriety that focuses on my daily contact with God are still coming.

Being sober is not enough for me. I want to live. I want to be the man that I am supposed to be. It is about progress and not perfection, but it sure is nice to see the progress, isn't it?

Every A.A. meeting ends with, "It works if you work it." I think that I will keep working it.

Stay strong and help someone else out today.

Johnny

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My Interview with the Junky's Wife

I had the opportunity to interview The Junky's Wife a couple of days ago and I wanted to share it with everyone.

Her and her husband had gone to the county detox to get him some help. Below is a snippet from her blog. The interview follows her writing. Those of you not addicted to a substance, keep this in mind; it is a monumental event when an addict seeks help. It may seem simple or sensible to you, but, let me assure you, that it is neither simple nor sensible to the addict. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to reach that point and then be turned away:

She handed him his discharge papers, and then she said, "I'm sorry, but we're not going to be able to help you. They can't take you at the county detox unless you get your methadone dose down to 30 milligrams. We recommend you go back to the methadone clinic and wean down according to their plan."

And that was it...no further suggestions for other resources. No attempts to help him with his suicidal threats. He began to cry, and he asked, "Is that it? There's nothing else? Nobody can help me? What if I kill myself? Can somebody help me with that?"

Now my interview with the wonderful blogger and amazing human being, The Junky's Wife. I'm grateful for the time she took to answer my questions.

Johnny: What was going through your mind when you were escorted from the place that should have been giving your family help?

The Junky's Wife: It was terrifying. For the first time, my husband was seeking help on his own...he's been places before to try to get help at my insistence, but this was the first time he'd really looked for himself. I'd hoped that his initiating the work would do the trick, and it was really upsetting to watch him treated like human trash. The doctors basically saw an uninsured, penniless addict, and the message they gave him was, "Go away and die, junky."

He went to two emergency rooms saying he felt like he was going to kill himself and that he needed help getting off drugs, and both places sent him away...I had hoped that it wasn't possible for these kinds of things to happen to people who wanted help, and I don't know if I would have believed it if I hadn't been there.


Johnny: If I were to '12 Step' your husband, what do you think the best approach would be?

The Junky's Wife: Respect that he's not got an option about his methadone maintenance. He's struggled around 12 step meetings because people have told him he's not clean if he's taking methadone and that he shouldn't be talking in meetings. He can't get off it at his dose, and he's not got any options other than to wean down according to his clinic's plan. He wants to be clean, and from what I understand, a desire to be clean is the only requirement for joining Narcotics Anonymous. He can't stay clean on his own, and N.A. shuns him...it's a situation a lot of heroin addicts who go the methadone route face, and it's a shame.

Rehab isn't an option in our state if you don't have money or health insurance and you need methadone. People at the methadone clinic don't tell you the whole story, and you don't find it out for yourself until you're too hooked on methadone to get off. My husband needs the support of a sponsor and the experience, strength, and hope of other addicts to be able to make it, and so far, he's not been able to find it. A little kindness and understanding and respect for the decisions he's made would go a long way.


Johnny: How will your writing change, if at all, WHEN your husband gets clean?

The Junky's Wife: I see my blog and its sister site The Junkies' Wives Club as part of my 12th step work. I am a writer by profession and by vocation, so I will never stop writing, and I don't foresee a time when my writing won't be a part of my recovery. I think I'd been in Nar-Anon for about a week when I started my blog, and it's become a real critical part of my journey. Sharing my story is part of my 12th step work...

I've also found it kind of interesting to watch the blog change as my focus has left my husband. At first, all I wrote about was him. I think I write a lot more about me now, and I expect the focus to continue to get clearer and clearer around my recovery and my issues.


Thanks again to the Junky's Wife, my prayers are with you and your husband. Everyone stay strong and help someone else out today.

Johnny

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