I can't do it on my own

My is wife is going to kill me when she reads this, but I laid my motorcycle down today. It was not a big a deal. I was in a parking lot turning right and a truck with a very large trailer was turning towards me and didn't swing out wide enough...he was cutting off my path. If I had kept going his trailer would have hit me.

So, I hit the brakes, but broke the cardinal rule: Before you brake make sure that your motorcycle is not leaning. Well, the bike was leaning and, sure enough, it went right down.

Now, I have a Honda Shadow 1100. It is not a small bike. The owner's manual lists the bike at 678 pounds production weight. There are probably about 50 pounds of extras on it.

I tried. Lord knows that I tried hard to get that bike back up on two wheels. I am not a small guy, but I had no room to work. I was standing in wet grass just on the other side of a curb. I could not even budge it. The guy got out of the truck to help me. Even with both of us it was not that easy to get it back up on its wheels.

As I finished my ride into the office this morning I thought, "what if nobody had helped me?" Well, I would still be there. I am sure that I would have tried any number of a dozen different ways to try to remedy my situation, but I would have failed. Then it dawned on me that I handle most of my life that way; I do not ask for help. I either try different ways to fix my situation, I give up completely, or I try my best to forget about it.

Would it not be completely ridiculous for me to just leave my motorcycle siting in that parking lot rather than ask for help? However, if I am struggling with something like my emotions or my marriage I will try everything that I know then "walk away" from the problem.

In our recovery ministry meeting this past week we talked about "Hiding". I am a hider. I am the proverbial ostrich with its head stuck in the ground. It is weird. Some things I am as open as possible about and other things I just stay closed up on. I can not even really tell you why.

I believe that most of my problem is relationship based. I keep people pretty far away from me. I do not know why, but I am working on it. I do not have great friendships and part of me really hurts because of it. Plus, I know that I can't do this life on my own. I need your help.

Johnny

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