I don’t live there anymore, but I do visit sometimes.

After finally finding the courage to stare yourself down and say, “I am going to change”, you dig deep and you change. It feels great. There is so much victory in no longer being a prisoner to yourself.

You coast along in your new found freedom. “Hey, that guy just cut me off and I am not mad! I cannot believe that I ever let the little stuff bother me.”

Then it happens.

That familiar feeling creeps back in and you react. On some level it feels great to release that emotion, but then comes the shame. “I thought I was done with that.”

In A.A. we say that it is all about “Progress, not Perfection”. That is the only way that we can live. Putting too much pressure on ourselves can have the opposite effect. Putting yourself under the microscope can cause you to fall further back into your old self.

When we fall back into our old ways, the best that we can do is to recognize it and move on. You may have to make some amends, but then you pull up your bootstraps and get back to work.

Often, I have to tell myself, that I am not really that guy anymore. Sure, I am going to make some mistakes and some old behavior will appear, but that doesn’t mean that I have failed. It just means that I am human.

Stay strong,

Johnny