The Crazy Mind of the Alcohlic

It has been a good year. All the bills get paid on time. The 180Xchange Recovery Ministry is going to start in a couple of weeks. I'm getting so much enjoyment of out of being the band for the 180. Kiley and I are really working hard at being husband and wife. Oh, and work is going really well.

This past Friday I got a promotion. I got the promotion after making a presentation to the VP of Strategic Relations of our company. I went from worker bee to supervising some incredibly talented people.

After getting the word that they liked my idea I got on the elevator to go down to the floor that I work currently work on. I was so excited. The promotion was awesome, but having the important people at my company saying that they loved my idea was something really special. Alone in that elevator I got a visit from an old "friend": craving.

That ride from the 6th floor to the 5th floor seemed to take hours; maybe days. It has been so long since I have had a craving to drink that badly. It took my breath away.

You hear people say things about alcoholics. Things like, "Why can't they just stop?" or, "Why can't they just have a couple of drinks?" or even, "He just got our of treatment, why is he drinking again?"

He I was so excited about something that was good in my life. Something that I have worked so hard for. Something that would never have been possible if I wasn't sober and yet here I was wanting a drink so badly that I was shaking.

Make no mistake, being an alcoholic makes you insane. Reason has no room in the mind of a drunk; sober or not.

I was at an A.A meeting last week when I heard someone else's insanity. An older guy, a lawyer in fact, said that he first started thinking about getting sober that the only thing that he could think of was that if he stopped drinking that he would never get laid again. That is insanity.

I don't know exactly how the drug affects the brain, but it changes it. It changes it forever. I still have to think before I do things. I still have to disregard my first choice. I still have to stand in an elevator and remind myself that:

1. I am powerless of alcohol and that, were I to drink again, my life would be unmanageable.
2. That a power great than me could restore me to sanity.
3. That if I turn my will and my life over to the God of my understand that he would help me.

...and He did.

The Bottom

"I hit rock bottom and then I got sober."

Is there such a thing as rock bottom?

Why was my rock bottom different from yours?

This guy kills someone while driving drunk. He goes to jail for 10 years and then starts drinking again when he gets out of jail. What is his rock bottom? Is death his rock bottom?

I am not rambling. I have recently met an alcoholic that should have hit bottom, but I can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice: he hasn't hit his bottom.

It is so hard to not grab him and shake him and let him know that there is a better life. Slap him and tell him that he can be happy.

Why are we all so different?

I went to a treatment center in Cushing, Oklahoma called Valley Hope. They have an impressive recovery rate of 20%. That means that 80% of the wonderful people that I met are most likely back in treatment, in jail, or dead. Why did I get it and they didn't?

I know that Jesus is the only reason that I am sober today. I know that for some reason that grace was shown to me. I don't want to minimize what I did. I'll never forget that day I left Valley Hope. I was so scared. I knew in my heart that I didn't have a chance. All I knew to do was to talk to God right then and there. I prayed, "God, I know that I will most likely fail, but I promise you that I will not go quietly. I will go down swinging." I meant it. I know that He knew that I meant it.

I guess that I don't really believe that someone has to reach a devastating bottom to realize how awful that their life has become. Maybe I should say that is my prayer. That one day we'll be able to reach out to the still suffering alcoholic and help them to see that there is life past alcohol; a life full and rich.

Please pray my friend that he sees the light before he finds a horrific bottom.

Johnny