My Brother, Afghanistan, and PCSD

I have had nightmares before. I have had panic attacks. I have drank to stop the fear. I don't even know what I was afraid of; I was just afraid.

My brother got back from Afghanistan this past May. His body came back whole and unbroken. His mind did not.

My tougher than nails brother has been crying lately. He can't stop the crying. He visits the mountains of Afghanistan when his eyes close. He doesn't want to be there. He wakes up in his kitchen saluting dead friends.

Post Combat Stress Disorder is what they say that he has. I don't know how they can call it a disorder. It seems to me that he is behaving exactly like he should be. Wouldn't it make more sense to call it a disorder when a combat weary soldier comes home and doesn't cry or doesn't have nightmares? That would concern me more.

We took this kid with an incredible heart and great love for people and gave him a gun and told him to fight. He did. People tried to kill him. He killed people. How do expect someone with that kind of love in their heart to come home and not fall apart when thinking about all that happened there?

When I think of the Armed Forces I think of bravery and leadership. Right now my brother is displaying both. Since he has gone into the hospital other members of his unit have come forward and have admitted that they are having serious issues. That alcohol has become the weapon that keeps them safe at night. They traded in their M16 for Jack Daniels.

My brother is a hero for what he did in the Middle East and now he is showing his leadership by wanting to be whole again. He is standing up and saying, "This isn't right. I'm not going to be this way anymore."

Other families are going to be affected by his decision. I'm proud of him. It has to take courage for one of these warriors to say that they aren't able to make it.

I was able to talk to him on the phone a couple of time while he was in Afghanistan. I would remind him of something that he said to me once, "There is no doubt in my mind that I'm coming home with all my body parts. I get this image in my head of this massive angel standing behind me with his wings wrapped around me to protect me. God's got my back over here."

God still has his back.

Johnny